Flashes

I am currently living with a friend, who is by the way a girl. I've never lived with a girl before but don't imagine it to be all too bad, for several reasons. First, I get along better with females than males. I'm just more sensitive, not in the caring way, but in the way when I get horsed around by men, I don't like it and get offended easily. Secondly, I've almost lived with a girl before. In the late years of high school and the early years of college I had a very serious girlfriend and practically hung out with her every waking moment. We dated for two and a half years and it didn't end well.

Anyway, constantly being around my ex-girlfriend has had more of an influence than I had expected. We broke up three years ago, so you'd think it would be all done and over with, but it isn't. No, surprisingly enough, there is still an effect. I can't really describe it well so bare with me. Ashlie is my roommate and whenever I don't see her and think of her, either back at the apartment or memories of us eating dinner or watching movies and TV, I'll remember her as Heidi, my old girlfriend. Even now as I was writing this email while Ashlie is still asleep, I picture her in the near future coming out, but not coming out as Ashlie, she's coming out of the room as Heidi in my mind, and it's disturbing me. You'd think that after I have realized this, self-professed this strange occurrence that it would go away, but it hasn't. I've told Ashlie about this and she thought it strange as well, but it still hasn't ended. It still hasn't stopped. What do I have to do to end this? How long will it take for me to live with Ashlie for it not to happen anymore? When can I start picture Ashlie as Ashlie and not as Heidi?

Spending time with someone 24/7 has it's lasting effects, and since I hadn't really done it for three years and then all of a sudden thrown back into it, I guess my past had to catch up with me. When in such close quarters and for so long of a period and us both not working, makes any sane person want to strangle the other. Obviously, it hasn't gotten to that point yet, but I'm just curious as to how long this process will need to take before it wears off, because honestly, I can't wait until my mind is fully flushed of Heidi, and I can picture Ashlie with her dreads and all.