Anxiety

I purposefully didn't mention that I was a Christian. Well, I am. But I'm not a hard-core one. What I mean by that is I'm not fundamentalist. I'm not uber conservative. I'm hardly even a Christian at all. Recently, I've been questioned on a couple of things concerning whether I'm a Christian or not. I guess because I still believe in God and Jesus and that whole thing makes me one, or at least I want it to make me one. Anyway, that's another conversation for another time.

Why I mention this now, is because I felt anxious today. I get nervous and petrified by the little things. It was my turn to cook for church and I freeze up. I get fearful of something I didn't do, something I lack in. Something like not getting enough of what I was suppose to get, or if my idea or planning was good enough. I couldn't let it go either. During church I was moving around a lot. I was antsy and just waiting for dinner to be over so I didn't have to worry at all anymore.

I started thinking during the music and prayer, God can take it away. God can take the worries away and lift this anxiety that I'm feeling. Surprisely enough, the sermon was on burdening ourselves by being Christian. Now, I'm all for that. But there's another side that feels that the biggest or most difficult decision in life will not be becoming a Christian. Because honestly, it wasn't. Honestly, probably not self-proclaiming myself a Christian would be the more difficult thing to do. There is a different feeling out here in the Pacific northwest against religion, and institutions. But it's not against Christians surprisingly enough. It's not hate toward The Christian, it's hate toward The Church.

Anyway, I did feel better after I ate. Maybe I could contribute it to the fact that no one was complaining for more food. Or to the fact that some people complimented on it. Or it just could have been the food itself. I could have felt jittery and anxious because of lack of food.